while you're ahead…

Day 108 since the lockdown.

As a sentence it sounds a little like the beginning of your stereotypical post apocalypse novel, and I haven’t decided if its veracity is chilling or merely something to shrug off. There’s a lot of talk about the ‘new normal’, of how the ‘old normal’ wasn’t functioning… well let me tell you… I hate that word: normal. What does that even mean? Is it the the voice of the majority? It doesn’t make it right…. Is it what’s comfortable or ‘working’?… that doesn’t mean it’s ok for everyone and should be maintained… I don’t know. It’s too too much for my head.

How are you all? How have you been?

Me? mmhm, a lot of good days, some very bad days and every shade in between. On the bad days I’m thinking… what if this is ‘it’? The beginning of the end, a slow unravelling of the world as we know it, not an end in fire or ice… but a an unstoppable trickle, a tiny leak in the universe that we have built for centuries… ok it’s not that we had created something flawless, but it had its good points you’ll have to agree. On the good days I looked around at my family and felt grateful and full of love. Other times, I put the head down and waited for a new morning.

There were days spent on online lessons, and college assignments were handed in, though I missed sitting in the soft quietness of the library. Lots of books were read chosen from ‘the pile’ or ordered online, though I missed the hushed atmosphere of a bookshop and real letters were written on real paper with real pens, though I missed to see friends face to face.

We cancelled holidays, and that hurts, it still does. I’m so lucky to live where I live, and yes, I am lucky I had holiday to cancel I guess, but the horizon around me has gone smaller and I find it difficult to accept it.

I discovered walking and I truly believe that kept me sane.

I baked sourdough. Twice. Just to say I’ve done it.

We had family movie nights when we took turn to choose … I’m proud to say I survived ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ AND ‘Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift’… my revenge to the boys was ‘The Two Popes’. They’re not the only ones who can play that game!

I’m also not going into long explanations of why it didn’t feel right to be here… it just didn’t, and maybe the end is near for this little blog of mine after 14 years, or maybe not.

Oh… and we have a puppy. And he’s the best. And you’ll see a lot more of him!