Is it me or it’s absolutely freezing out there?
Today is one of those days I wished I had a rewind button, to start over, to shout a little less (although if you could see No 3’s bedroom you would actually give me a medal for my restrain… but still) and smile a little more… but you know we’re entering a new phase around here and I’m not really used to it. I’m not used to be given a silent treatment by a 16yr old who thinks my only aim in life is to make his a misery devoid of fun and joy. Or having my first born so grown up and independent he seems always away from home. Or hearing my baby’s voice so deep he could compete with Barry White… I’m so in denial about him growing up too I kept thinking he had a sore throat… nope you dummy woman, he’s growing up too.
Today I’m going to wrap their advent calendar although between you and me… I’m not sure they earned it this year! Have you ever read that book by Anne Tyler, The ladder of years, in which the protagonist is a middle age housewife who feel she’s been taken for granted by husband and children and one day she goes for a walk on the beach and she keeps walking… and starts a new totally pared down life in the next town, finds a room to rent and a job in a library and spends her night reading books… quietly… no responsibility for anyone else… and kind of life goes on without her at home and when she does return everybody slips into the old ways, nothing learnt so she disappears again…
Yeah, that feeling.
The grass on the park opposite our house is all frosted over. Lilli took a sniff and the crisp air and walked straight back into the house. She’s now asleep on the sheepskin on the sofa. Weird dog.
I got my first essay back from my tutor and I was so happy with the result I cried. Mercifully I was sitting at the kitchen table at the time.
I discovered Miles Davis ‘kind of blue’ album. Can’t stop playing it. I find that these days I need to have music that has no words. I do so much reading for college, so much talking (to myself it seems) with the boys… that I need words-free moments.
I’ve attempted to make chilli sauce as a homemade present this Christmas… I followed the recipe from The Garterstich Farm online Christmas Course here. It seemed easy enough… (the funniest this was being the face of the cashier at the supermarket when I bought 2lb of chillis. He was soooo dying to ask me what on earth I was planning… but being very English, he didn’t feel he could. Hilarious.
Tomorrow is the day of reckoning when my supposedly fermenting chillies will be turned into sauce. I’ll let you know…