This is reality.
On the counter there is a squashed mountain (because it looks smaller, pathetic, I know) of ironing to do: 2 t-shirts, one sweatshirt, and 19 shirts and one nightdress. I counted them to maximise my sense of achievement when I’ll finally get to the end.
There’s a quarter of a birthday cake left that me and Lilli will try our hardest not to eat.
There’s a diary full things to do and places to be and a computer full of emails to write, and forms to fill in.
And my brain is full. Genuinely, completely, totally and utterly full. I just spent a long minute in the hall, staring at the carpet trying to remember where I was going and to do what. Nope, gone. I’m back in the kitchen writing this in the hope it’ll come back to me before I leave the house to get my hair done. Then today is my college day and while I’m really looking forward to it I’m a bit worried about the lack of space in my head. I expected college to be a struggle time-wise, to fit lessons and reading into an already busy life… but not a struggle about space in the brain. I’m filling the washing machine and Sartre pops in my head and another line for my essay pushes him out only to be replaced the hockey email I need to reply to and half way into trying to solve that issue Edward Thomas’ writing about science and nature takes hold and again that disappears because I remember we need cereals for breakfast and I haven’t defrosted dinner yet… and so it goes on all day.
I ran out of eggs.
And I’m frazzled.
Mr M and I are leaving in two days for a fantastic holiday so I don’t want you to think I’m complaining, it would be ridiculous, I’m just stunned by how out of shape my brain is. Is the brain a muscle? Can I train it back into fitness? It used to be quite a good little brain…
Do you ever feel like that?