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There are a few things I don’t like about motherhood… and I’m not talking about the lost nights or the endless driving kids around, or the unavoidable nagging… or the mountains of laundry… no, it’s getting up in the morning and having to hand out punishments wishing 45 seconds from getting out of bed.   Thinking about it it’s probably my least favourite thing of all.

It sets this horrible tone for the rest of the day.  They all go to school and I’m left with an empty house and lots of time to think what I’m doing wrong that I can’t get through to them a few simple rule.

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For example, this morning…  I get out of bed groggy and with a stiff neck (must change the pillow) and the first thing I see when I enter one of the boys (I won’t say who)… is an iPad on the bed…. which means he was so tired when he fell asleep that he couldn’t even remember to hide the bloody thing!

We have rule that everything must handed in at bed time, you see.  AND the aforementioned device was supposed to be ‘broken’ and ‘unusable’.

Yeah right.

I am furious.

He knows.

Trust me on that.

And if I ever were to meet the person who invented snapchat…

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Did I mention my stiff neck?  That doesn’t help either, believe me.

So know they’re all off… probably in ten minutes they’ll be on the bus laughing with their friends… moaning about the most unreasonable and overreacting mother in the world (I hold the cup today no doubt) and I’m left here stewing all day with a knotted feeling in my stomach.

You know what I mean? those… stupid thoughts like… ‘what if something happens and the last thing he remembers of me was a telling off?’… that kind of ridiculous thought.

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They never tell you about these things at antenatal class.  They talk about nappies and burping… but the keep hidden the heart wrenching stuff, the guilt you feel even when you do things or set boundaries for their own good.  Not yours.  Never yours and yet you’re the one who feel bad because the instinct is to always make them feel good and happy and give them what they want.

Which is bad.  And then you feel bad because they feel bad.

Sigh.

The great circle of life.

It’s pants, sometimes.

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Speaking of which… who loses pants on the pavement? I mean… seriously…

Anyway, busy day.  Stiff neck.  Mountain(s) of laundry.

Onwards and upwards, right?

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… don’t lose your underwear.